Saturday, 23 August 2014

It hurts, but it's ok.

Tuesday, 29 Jul 2014 at 6pm.

Had a long walk home this evening and it had been awhile since I last did that. That must have accounted to my recent increase in weight. Haha...

Today's walk is not only about the need to log that 10,000 steps per day, but also to expel my anger and reflect on the event that happened just hours ago.

Everybody have their weaknesses and so do I. For this particular weakness or rather fear, I had been trying to look for opportunities to fight it. I had been taking baby steps, but constantly so that I hope to conquer it sooner rather than later. It's one of my hindrances towards my dream.

My worst fear, that weakness won again this afternoon. I am fortunate to have people who are understanding and giving me the much needed support and advice. All, except one who took the opportunity to capitalise on my weakness. I am not sure what the intention was. Maybe I might have triggered that reaction from my earliest unacceptable behaviour to the person. Maybe it's resulted from my speech previously spoken. Maybe I might have hurt that person to be treated in this manner. 

All this were after thoughts during my long walk home. At that moment, I really felt like giving that person a punch or at least fight back with more hurtful words. But I did not. I did not because I don't think my action is going to be of help during that situation. I did not because if I were to fight back either in words or action, how much difference will I be as compare against that person. Moreover, there might be a reason for the behaviour which I have yet to find out. In any case, it just dented my pride with no other damages. Why take revenge when it was in fact giving me a good learning opportunity to toughen up myself.

I was very surprised, disappointed and hurt by the action of that person than the words used, or my inability to overcome my weakness again.

Well, I will practice harder and keep trying for that dream of mine. Life is a journey when we came with nothing and left with nothing. It's the experience in life that we should treasure. Everything comes for a reason. Rather than rejecting it, why not embraced it for the lesson that it brought along to teach us.

I am sorry for that thought of wanting to fight back on those hurtful words. 

I will move on with this episode. Please remind me, uncle life. Holding on to that revengeful thought only waste the previous memory for the better things in life.

P.S. – It obviously hurt me more than I expected. I am still wide awake at 3am that day! Haha…