Bodhipaksa, in the article "Learning to love the flaws" fromWildmind Buddhist Meditation taught me a simple and yet effective method to accept other's flaws.
The method requires us to place the person whose flaws or action had agitated us in our mind. On his right, imagine a much younger him, say when he is a few months old, who is new to this world, pure and yet to master the skills to talk and walk. On his left, imagine a much older him in his seventies, old, weak, likely seated on a wheelchair and not able to gather enough strength for a decent conversation. Now, recall the same person at the centre with his flaws or action that agitated you. How do you feel?
I have the opportunity to use it on an acquaintance recently and I immediately felt sad for him. I felt life is short and I felt sad for him for not given the opportunities to experience and learn that resulted in his recent action.
Maybe he was never allowed to fail in life that resulted in him putting winning and his ego above everything else. Maybe the person he intended to help is so important to him that he had no second thought on the negative consequences of others around the person he so wanted to help. Maybe he was never given a chance to experience or learnt how it feel to have his well-being, quality of life and even safety decided by another person. Maybe he did not know what right livelihood is or care less about it.
Having those thoughts in mind, I stopped attacking his character and instead attempted to explain and seek his understanding on the consequences of his possible decision.
I wish him well.
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