Sunday, 28 April 2013

It hurts...

小tz,

Seeing you cry a week ago hurts me deeply. More than a week had passed and while you appeared to be back to your usual cheerful self the very next day, I still can't get over it that I allowed all this to happen.

If my memory is still good, that was the third time you were visibly shaken ever since you starts to be aware of the environment and understand things.

Your first happened more than a year ago resulting from a mis-communication. Mummy wasn't there to watch your mother's day performance and received your hand-made gift at school. You were strong then as your teacher had related to mummy that you did not cry, even when most of your classmates’ mummy was present, except yours. However, once you stepped out from your school bus and into the comfort of mummy's hug, you started crying non-stop. That's the first time we noticed what a strong character our little angel have. How she choose to protect her mummy, by not showing her classmates and teachers that she was disappointed and sad because her mummy wasn't present. Believed us, we are terribly sorry for that to happen. Especially mummy who thereafter,  always call your school nearing any festive season just to be sure she never miss any of your performance again.

The second incident happened during your weekend stay at grandma's house half a year ago. A small fire started at the void deck of grandma's flat that resulted in you and grandma having to evacuate during your sleep. It must be really traumatizing to witness fire, smoke, policemen, firemen and people all evacuating to safety. When I rushed over to make sure grandma and you were safe, you just keep hugging me. Only when mummy told me that you must be traumatised by the event, then the silly daddy noticed that you wanted my comfort through the hugs.

The third incident that happened a week ago set me thinking, as I witness the unfolding of the event. While you were partly at fault, I felt the intensity, the use of words, the antecedent and complexity of the adult's world was just too much for my six years old baobei. It's just not right that you were involved and at the receiving ends. Similarly to the last 2 incidents, once out of the situation and into the comfort of mummy and daddy, you cried, and cried and cried. So much emotions yet unable to express your feeling on how deeply you must be hurt. Our hearts bleed seeing that...

If I know that it would hurt you so much, I would have intervened earlier. I am sorry darling. 
:’(

Through all these events, I am pleased with you, 小tz. Your strong character, your willingness to let it all out with us and allowing us to share your feelings. However, I am also equally concern if we have enough time to assist you in developing that great character and right attitude in life.

We are and will always be there when you needed us, but what if we are no longer around? We cannot outlive you and we hope you either get a reliable life partner or become even stronger to face all those alone.

For now, while I would still wants you to have the opportunities to face life, I will try to dress it up a little so that it doesn’t hurt that badly, anymore. I promise.

Just like the photograph of the artwork I took during an event, simple, clean yet lively. That’s what a child’s life should be. Isn't it?